Holy matrimony!
On a lazy Sunday afternoon, going insane with boredom, I flick through the newspaper supplement…hoping to catch something interesting….
And here’s what I came across.
CITIZEN of USA, 61 years (looks younger), athletic, good-hearted, and owner of successful Marketing Business in Boston seek Hindu Woman, 18-32 years old for marriage. Preferably vegetarian and pretty.
A matrimonial column...oh goody!
The gentleman above seemed to be on the wrong side of 60 having a fetish for girls young enough to be his daughter.
Some ads were short (each word costs)….
Alliance for prty, slm, elegant yng cultrd grl, educated wrg lecturer
Ok…I thought all lecturers were supposed to be educated!
On the other hand…. ......Remember that interview when you were asked about yourself, and you overdid it a tad bit too much….
SOWRASTRA, 39,CA, second son of retired Scientist, formerly working at Delhi with good salary, returned Chennai to look after aged parents, now under going Medical Transcription training, own a house at Perembur with properties financially self-sufficient and very shy type, seeks home loving & computer knowledge bride from same sect. Contact.Dr.R.Ambikanuja 688, Palikasanthji Street,Arrakonam -812 001. Ph.9935-2432265 (after 9pm)Cell:98882732101 (are you sure nothing’s left out?)
The dude sure seemed desperate!
Here are some commonly used jarons used in newspaper classified add(don’t bother taking your dictionary out!)
Family oriented – Sati saavitri bahu!
Home loving girls- forget about your career
Convent educated – stuck up spoilt brat
No demand- we’re doing a huge favor
Issueless divorcee- Hmmmm…
Youthful/young at heart - geriatric
Simple- Dumb, doormat
So if you’re single and not ready to mingle, but want to find that special one, what better ways then words…. even abbreviations are enough
wrg- working
BHP- biodata,horro(r)-scope, picture
SWE- sweet? Umm that’s actually Software Engineer
But at some point of time, you look beyond words…and talk in numbers! Yes it’s all about money honey!
SWE wrg in honeymoon (no) solutions
35,000 pm to the highest bidder.
Well, they say marriages are made in heaven, looks like cupid strikes between the lines of ‘matrimonial columns’ ….till then happy matrimony!
PS: a highly edited(read much better) version of this article appears on forth coming issue of dateline bangalore...monthly magazine called 'spouse on sale:offer open till stock lasts'.
4 comments:
I think u are very right in what u wrote. First let me tell u that u write very well, it's like u have a way with words (and I ain't exaggerating). u know this kind of ads come in bengali newspapers as well and mom would at times read it loud to me, trying to draw my interest. And i would feel that our existence have just been LIMITED to abbreviations and acronyms. It's a horrible thought, especially with people like me groping in the dark to unearth the meaning of my own existence.
Pretty boring stuff eh... but u do write well.
damn, dear reporter, i wish i had copyrighted this one for DB...yarrrggghhhh
Thank for sharing good and useful information. This information is very valuable.
Regards.
Aysiahindu matrimonials
Something good to read...Impressive!!!
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